NHS Awards Ceremony Keynote Speech - May 17, 2010

I was asked to post my keynote speech from the NHS Awards ceremony at the Elks Club on Monday Night:

Delivered May 17, 2010

Good Evening. Before I begin, please allow me to express my gratitude to Mr. Bjorn, Nic Guerra, and to the Ralph C. Mahar National Honor Society for selecting me as this year’s keynote speaker. To be honest, I never thought I would see the day when I would be invited to speak to a group of people. Often in my life, and even more lately, I have asked myself – How did I get here? How is it that I am involved in this situation? I mean I think I’ve made it a habit to plan for things – but honestly, I never planned for this. Some of you might be surprised to know that when I started college, my intention was to become a social worker – and not a teacher, principal, special education director, or a superintendent.

So, did I get here by luck or chance, or was it something else? Thomas Jefferson said, “I am a great believer in luck, and the harder I work, the more I have of it.” President Jefferson knew then what we all know now – it was never luck. Luck comes in lottery tickets, and in games of chance and that is about it. You aren’t lucky to be here. Rather this night is the natural consequence of hard work, sacrifice, perseverance, discipline, and focus. We can all recognize the potential energy in this room.

Whether you are in grade 10, 11, or 12 – you have been defined by your membership in the National Honor Society as those who are most likely to succeed. You have all of the preconditions for success – you are nourished properly and cared for by your families who are sitting around you. You have the work ethic, the giftedness, or a combination of both that allowed you the opportunity to have the grades and recommendations necessary to be a member of this distinguished group. But because of your age in relation to mine, and to your parents, and to your grandparents – we still cannot say for sure if you will be successful. But that depends on how you define success.

Right now I can say for sure of the soon to be graduates that are here tonight:
· 1 will study art at MWCC
· 2 will go to UMASS
· 1 to Assumption
· 1 to St. Joe’s
· 1 to Massachusetts College for Liberal Arts
· 1 to Bridgewater State
· 2 to WPI for Engineering
· 1 to Babson
· 1 to Fitchburg State to study Special Education
· 1 to New England School of Business
· And 1 all the way to Western Carolina University

Someday an old friend may come to you and ask you what you do, or who you have become. Of these 13 seniors, the response could be:

I am an artist.
I am the Marketing Director for (Name your company)
I am a lawyer
I am a History Teacher
I am a Math Teacher
I am the Vice President of my company
I am the Director of Special Education at Mahar (I say that to Nicole since I heard she is going to school to be a Special Educator)

After you respond to the question, you will hear it. Someone will say “Wow you really are lucky!” Before you hear the question and before you answer remember me telling you this tonight. Are you lucky because you came to school every day? Are you lucky because you did and do all that is asked of you by your teachers and your families? Are you lucky because you do extra? Are you lucky because you will not accept failure? There is no luck in “Try”, no luck in “Work”, and very very little opportunity for luck in success.

I had a nice speech to deliver tonight about success, but it changed at about 10 AM this morning. I began my day at St. Mary’s Church on Congress Street in Orange, where I faced some cold and hard reminders about life. I was reminded that life is more like a series of Polaroid pictures than it is about a video that is always running. Each choice that we make is a snapshot that leads us to the next…and then to the next. If you took a picture of me when I was 15, you would find a boy washing dishes at the Pine Plaza Restaurant in Niagara Falls, NY – doing homework while waiting for the potatoes to boil so that I could peel and cut them into what would become home fries. Each of us has a snapshot of that time – and this morning while I sat at the funeral for a boy I knew – I wondered about his snapshots.

This morning, that young man reminded me that life is not perfect. We live in a world where hopes and dreams are constantly shattered by wars and fighting, by addiction, by accidents, by illness, by hate, by anger, and by greed. In some cases dreams can just slip away as we struggle to get through each day over a long period of time. But a simple change in perspective can bring joy to our lives everyday, if we are willing to do just two simple things….Take little bites, and chew them well.

My father used to say this to me when I was a little boy, he said it to my sisters, and now I hear him saying it to his grandchildren. He says this because he did not want us to choke on our food. I have found that this statement can mean so much more. Take little bites and chew them well.
Let’s take the song “100 Years” by Five for Fighting. If you haven’t heard it, I encourage you to seek it out in the near future. For me, it affirmed my understanding that life isn’t perfect, but that there are perfect moments, and there are also our dreams. Our dreams can be as perfect as we want them to be. I will use just a couple of the song’s lyrics to guide this point.

I’m 15 for a moment – just dreaming

Most of us in this room have already been fifteen. It went by so fast – and yes, at fifteen we did dream didn’t we? Remember all the requirements at fifteen? Wake up, get ready, go to school, go to practice, go home, eat dinner, do your homework, go to bed. Well, not exactly. When I look back at fifteen I remember my friends, my teammates, certain conversations. I remember a dance, and a first kiss. I remember the moments of perfection. Of course we remember the tragedies too – but at fifteen we didn’t stop the dreaming.

I’m 22 for a moment – and she feels better than ever and I’m just dreaming

At twenty-two there were more requirements – working 40 or more hours a week. Paying the phone bill, the electric bill, the gas bill, rent, auto insurance, gasoline, an occasional parking ticket. I remember the Oklahoma City Bombing when I was 22 too. I also remember my grandmother’s smile, my sister’s recital, and Sunday dinners with my parents. More perfect moments and still there were my dreams.

I’m 33 for a moment – still the man but you see I’m of age, family on my mind

This is just about as far as I can go with experience credits. I remember learning that there are people who lie and and there are people who cheat. Sadly you will learn this too, if you haven’t already. I learned that there are people in the world who will do anything that they can to improve their positions financially or politically, no matter who is affected by their actions or how. In this difficult and painful time there were still the perfect moments of breaking bread with all of my family and all of my friends. There was perfection in hearing the words, “I do.” And don’t forget, I still had my dreams.

I’m 45 for a moment – counting the years of my life

It seems at this part there are many people who are dissatisfied. The terminology is “mid-life crisis.” It’s the time when some feel as though they have not done all that they had set out to and perhaps feel unremarkable. I don’t know this for sure because I haven’t been there yet, but I am preparing myself by observing:

I know the mother of a severely disabled child has much to worry about – yet she finds perfection in that child’s smile, and feels the undying love in the hugs and kisses of her baby. And yes, through both the difficulties and those moments of perfection, that mommy still dreams.

Half time goes by (the age of 50)
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone

In that time between 15 and 67, life will throw so much at you. But you have already proven that you are fighters – and no matter how hard it gets you will find perfect moments, and you will follow your dreams.

Right now, here in this room, we are together living a perfect moment. The students here tonight are amidst a snapshot – a moment, right now is a just little bite. When I say chew it well – I am just telling you to enjoy it as much as you can, and never forget it. Tomorrow when you wake up set out on a journey to find as many perfect moments, moments just like this. Maybe your dream is a beach house on stilts, could be a family of your own, or perhaps a trip around the world. No matter what your dream is and whether or not you able to get there, don’t ever forget to enjoy, to digest perfect moments along the way.

Back to the song:
I’m 99 for a moment – dying for just another moment – and I’m still dreaming

Even at 99 we can dream. What are your perfect moments? What will your snapshots look like? To the students in the NHS – the stage is set for you to be great. Don’t pass on your opportunity. What are your dreams? What will you do tomorrow morning to make them come true?

Greenfield Recorder - May 7, 2010 - A Response

Earlier this week I received a call from the Orange Town Administrator in which he invited me to attend an emergency meeting at Orange Town Hall on Saturday morning, May 8th. Mr. Kwiatkowski informed me that the topic of discussion at the meeting would be the projected budget shortfall for the Town of Orange in the 2011 Fiscal Year. I informed Mr. Kwiatkowski that I would be in attendance and I asked him if the Orange Finance Committee or Selectmen would like for me to bring anything. By anything, I not only meant the Mahar budget materials and information about our organization. I was also willing to bring the coffee and donuts that could help set the stage for meaningful dialogue about how we would work together to create the best situation for the families in the Town of Orange.

This morning [Friday] a staff member at Mahar came into my office and handed me the front page of the Local section of the Greenfield Recorder. She said to me, “Sorry to ruin your day…but you have to read this.” I carefully read the article that was written about the budget crisis in the Town of Orange, and then I read it again. Orange Finance Committee Member Jane Pierce speaking of the teachers at Mahar was quoted; “I feel if we have more excellent teachers then there are fewer needed. Doesn’t it sort of beg to a larger class size?” The reason that I read this twice was that I could not believe what she [Ms. Pierce] said. I have been in communication via E-mail with Ms. Pierce this week and I have been preparing a Mahar class size report for her. I thought that we were working together…but then I read her quote.

One of my mentors taught me that a public action should always receive a public response. With this in mind I am compelled to respond to the statements made by Ms. Pierce publicly. To be fair, if you did not read the article in Friday’s Recorder please stop reading this and go back and read it before you proceed in reading my response. If you did read it and my response is of interest to you, please continue. I am writing this article on behalf of the students who attend our school, their families, our staff, and the four towns that make up the Ralph C. Mahar Regional School District. It is also important to say that more than 75% of the students who attend Mahar reside in the town of Orange.

There are really only two points that I need to make. The first is that when one talks about the Ralph C. Mahar Regional School in terms of “they” you would expect that the person who is speaking does not reside in the Towns of Orange, Wendell, Petersham, or New Salem. It would be okay for a person from Athol, Gill, Turners Falls, Montague, or Amherst to talk about Ralph C. Mahar in terms of “They” but not for a person from Orange. The Ralph C. Mahar Regional School is here for the education of the children and young adults from Orange and our other member towns. I don’t call our teachers “the professionals.” Rather, I refer to them as “Our professionals.” Mahar is Orange. Mahar is Wendell. Mahar is New Salem. Mahar is Petersham. I have an agreement that was drafted in 1956 and later amended to back these statements up.

Second, I am going into Saturday morning’s meeting with a different paradigm than the one that Ms. Pierce conveyed in her statements to the Greenfield Recorder. I am going in to the meeting with the intent of building and sustaining synergy with my colleagues from the Town of Orange. I want to be part of a solution rather than part of an argument that has gone on for years. Rather than remind readers about what a wonderful school community Mahar is and rather than write about the ills of educating children in crowded classrooms, I am choosing to write about the need to change some hearts and some minds. Mahar should not be viewed separately from the communities of Orange, Wendell, New Salem and Petersham.

Breaking Down Bullying

The unfortunate suicide of South Hadley teen, Phoebe Prince has brought about a renewed sense of purpose for school officials, legislators, those in law enforcement, parents, teachers, and students. Events such as those that recently took place in South Hadley, MA have a way of setting off a chain of events that forever change the landscape of the day to day operation of schools in America. I can compare the anti-bullying vigilance of recent days to the exponential increase in lockdown drills and implementation of Emergency Planning that took place in schools after the events at Columbine High School in 1999.

Never before has the actions of bullies been so clearly defined. In the book “The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander” Barbara Coloroso (2008) describes three elements of situations that involve bullies and those being bullied. First, the situation always involves an imbalance of power. That is that the offender is often bigger, older, stronger, more verbally equipped, or has more capital with peers. Second, the bully always acts with intent to harm. The offender means to inflict some type of physical or psychological pain on the victim or victims, and it is never an accident. Third, in instances of bullying both the offender and the victim know that the bullying can and most likely will occur again. This threat of further aggression is often the reason that bullying goes unreported to adults.

Coloroso (2008) asserts that the terror that is generated from the above mentioned actions renders victims powerless. Once this terror exists there is potential for extreme acts of aggression, retaliation, and a cycle of violence that can come from either the offender or the victim. School administrators and teachers now intimately aware and focused on the interactions of students with one another in classrooms, in the hallways, in the cafeteria, and on the sports fields have been hyper vigilant about ensuring that students are not engaging in these behaviors.

When crises such as those in South Hadley strikes the public school system groups of people whom I refer to as “Crisis Entrepreneurs” move quickly. These are groups of people and corporations who profit from seriously unfortunate events. To date, I have received about a dozen invitations to seminars and weekend retreats to meet with “professionals” about mitigating the problems caused by bullying in schools. One of these conferences was $600.00 per person to attend, and it came with a weekend stay at a four star hotel. These invitations come to me by fax, by E-mail, and in via the US Postage service. The faxes go in the recycle bin along with the mail, and the E-mails go directly to the junk E-mail box.

The Ralph C. Mahar Regional School has a department that focuses specifically on Student Support Services. Among this group of highly qualified professionals are veteran school counselors, a school psychologist, licensed school social workers, and a support team facilitator. This group meets weekly to discuss the interactions of individual and groups of students, their behavior in and outside of school, and proactive approaches to stopping violence while ensuring school wide social-emotional wellness. At Mahar, we understand a very simple fact: If students are not well, learning cannot and will not take place. How could a student who fears for his or her safety focus subjects like Algebra, Geometry, Chemistry, or anything else for that matter?

The No Child Left Behind Act calls upon school administrators to focus on student drop out rates, performance on state assessments, graduation rates, and specifically the performance of students in selected populations such as Special Education, English Language Learners, and those from Low Income Families. Take the pressure of these accountability standards and when added to the previous and approaching budget crises the public schools are faced with an entirely new set of problems. There is only so much funding, and where should it go? Do we risk lower test scores to keep our students safe? Do we focus on their wellness even though it might mean that class sizes may go up in our schools?

To me the answer is simple. The safety of our students comes first. Those who are best poised to ensure student safety are those who are trained to listen to them and when needed, act as their voices. I recognize that we are in a budget crisis – but I will not allow any reduction in funding to fall on the backs of our children who are in need of the most support. Those who are reading this article who have been bullied or been bullies know that bullying is not isolated to schools. Perhaps there are bullies in our adult lives too. It is my hope that the proactive approach of Mahar and the proactive approaches of other public schools will not only keep our students safe now, but educate them for a future in which they go out of their way to help, rather than hurt others.